If you read my previous post, or follow me on any social media, you know 2016 didn't exactly end in the best way. Death and sadness surrounded my life - I lost my best friend in a tragic car accident. I think I've gone through just about all the "steps" of grieving. Although, sometimes I feel like I take one step forward towards accepting and two steps back in the direction of denial. One thing I've learned during these last (almost) two months, is that it's okay to hurt and be sad. I've always had a difficult time with feelings [because ew, who wants to express how they feel rather than just keeping it all bottled up? That's my speciality ;) ]. My new favorite way of expressing how I feel is writing. After all, that is why you're here! With that being said, I've decided to focus my writing on not only my feelings/expressions, but how great God's love is. This is all apart of my "New Year, New Me" resolution for 2017.
My beautiful sister, Danika, challenged me to pick one word to focus on for all of 2017. There's like 8 bagillion words in this world so how in the heck was I supposed to pick just one?! Prayer of course. After many conversations with the big man upstairs and my family, I've chosen the word intentional. According to the good ole Google, intentional means "done on purpose, deliberate." So deliberately eating those double chocolate chip brownies? Got it ;) but on the reals...I'm going to intentionally tell my family, boyfriend, friends, loved ones, strangers, everyone, how much not only I love, care and appreciate them, but how much God does too.
I'm going to intentionally take myself to counseling to learn how to grieve and express my feelings the right way. There's so much unhappy stigma around counseling and I truly don't understand why. My nana has always said, "everyone needs a therapist" so I'm taking her advice to the extreme this time ;)
I'm going to intentionally enjoy the last twelve months of my school career because learning is cool (even when it's insanely hard). Also because after this year I'm going to have to go to work everyday...ugh.
I'm going to intentionally read my bible (app), go to church on Sundays & read my daily devotional. I need it because I need a constant reminder to trust in His path. I know He's doing great things in and for me.
I'm going to intentionally make time for social activities. I've begun to feel myself slowly drifting into a depression-like state-of-mind and that's a no go for me. A few weeks ago I had an actual panic attack at Walmart while shopping with my brother. He walked to the other side of the store to get something and I freaked. Started hyperventilating, forgot what I was doing/where things were in the store, just felt alone and scared. My current goal is to do one social activity outside of my home, in public, every other week. Before losing Morgan, this totally wouldn't have been a big deal for me, but sometimes life becomes challenging. Even with things we used to be masters at.
I'm going to intentionally watch what I eat/drink. I know, such a basic "resolution" but my body is a temple and I need to treat it that way.
I'm going to intentionally continue being the strong person (I think) I am. I've always been good at rolling with the punches of life - I've needed assistance the past few months, but I'm going to get back on my game this year.
I'm going to intentionally enjoy 2017. So much of me wants to wallow in the loss of Morg and just stay there forever, but I know she would hate me if I did that.
Mentally, physically and emotionally, I'm exhausted, but I'm ready for the challenging journey ahead. I wrote this blog to hold myself accountable and to have others do the same for me. Will there be days I slip up? Absolutely - but by trusting in God's plan, word and way of life, I'll find my way back. I encourage all 800 people (holy cow, that's insane! Thanks for the love and support! ♥) that read my blog to pick one word to focus on for the entire year. I would love to know what it is! Check out myoneword.org if you need assistance in picking a word :)
Much love ya'll. Xoxo
"The Joy of the Lord is my strength." - Nehemiah 8:10 ✝
